Peaks and Valleys or: Speaking of "Staying Honest"

***Get comfortable, this is a long one.***



Phrases in my google search bar over the past week:

"athletic pubalgia"

"iliopsoas tendonitis"

"overtraining syndrome"


On Monday my hips were so sore that it slowed me down at work. I now attribute this to wearing heavier shoes for the later-week jogs I did, taxing those hip flexors a little more than they're used to. This was just regular old muscular soreness, but in a time when every little ache has me worried about injury, I was a little anxious.

I decided to rest until I felt better. I felt OK on Tuesday, but gave it another day. Wednesday I felt good and I got up with the sun, out for 45 minutes jogging. Felt decent, but kind of frustrated. To be honest, the whole heart rate monitor idea (keeping my HR below 150) is causing me more strife than it's worth. It results in very slow and somewhat uncomfortable jogging.

It was more of the same on Thursday, 45 minutes or so, and some periodic wind sprints were relieving, but they made me aware of a tightness in the right side of my groin that's been lingering for the past few months. I resolved as I was stepping through my front door to put the sneakers in the closet for a while. Which is an idea I've toyed with since.

So, as is evident in my extreme paranoia of injuring myself, my fear of anything besides light jogging (hence the HR restriction which I'm deciding is more or less a subconscious manifestation of this fear), and my continuing difficulty with these periodic attempts to rekindle my daily habit, I'm obviously feeling pretty off kilter right now. I can't tell if I'm depressed and frustrated because I'm having trouble with this, or if it's the other way around.

Of course, this is related to things bigger than running in my life right now as well. And I realize that I can't run (or jog) from my problems. At least not in an unprescribed manner.

By the way, I should mention that I feel pretty darn good right now. Just so you're not worried I'm typing this from some dark room hugging a bottle of hooch or something. I merely find it important to convey what's going on in my head. And I'm accepting that the issue with my hips is related to an imbalance of some sort. The whole stress fracture issue (left foot) at the beginning of the summer had kind of a cascade effect where I was compensating a lot with my strong leg (the right one), especially when biking. On numerous occasions I caught myself pedaling solely with my right leg out of fear (and some discomfort honestly) that I'd reaggravate the stress fracture. This clearly led to an overuse injury of some sort which is getting better, but still lingers. So I've given myself a new challenge, and that's to stay still until I can't stand it anymore. Then I'll start some core strengthening exercises for a little while before trying running and cycling. And I'm gonna run, not jog. Well, maybe some jogging. The difference between this and similar "resolutions" earlier this year is that I have confidence that things will heal. It's just a matter of time.

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about long term plans. I've mentioned before that I wanted to build up to a marathon next June. Grandma's Marathon specifically. If you know me than you know this is the first and only marathon I've run, and it holds sentimental value to me in that regard. It'd be wild to cross that tape again after so long away from it. Plus my grandfolks live in Superior, and it'd be nice to see them.

I've never mentioned this before (on this blog), but something I've always wanted to do is an extended bike tour. Some of you may have heard me mention a trip I'd envisioned after graduation, a self-supported circumnavigation of the great lakes. Well, my brother Nate has recently discovered a passion for cycling, and he's been asking me to ride coast-to-coast with him. I muddled over this for a while and decided that if there's a time for me to do this, it's next summer, with family. Grandma's is in June, and we'd have to leave around that time at the latest, so I'm now having second thoughts on the marathon. It's something I can come back to, and I don't know if I'd ever have another chance to take a two month tour. Priorities. Nate's already started "training" for it so I better get on board soon.

So as it stands now, I'll be retiring this blog for awhile. As I don't feel like I've been training (running or otherwise) for a good time now, I don't see any reason why I shouldn't take a little break from things. The fact that it seems mentally insurmountable to rest is probably a good indication that that's exactly what I need to do. When I get back to things, which might be a New Year's thing, I'll hopefully be doing a balance of running and cycling, so even then the format of this blog will change.

Thanks for listening, and good luck to all y'all in whatever you're doing.

Staying Honest

Got out early this morning before settling in to some studies for the day. Great sunrise, and for the second day in a row I caught the gargantuan freight barge that seems to frequent this part of the river as it was towed downstream by tugboats. Jogged halfway over the Ben Franklin Bridge before turning around and retracing my steps. In the last 20 min or so my hips got tight on me, serving as a reminder that adaptation is a long term process. 55:13 easy.

In the Clouds

I was a little hesitant to go out this morning after some poor sleep and band rehearsal (beer rehearsal) last night. Glad I did, as I touched base with one of my favorite sensations that running brings me. With my head in the clouds, feeling kind of mentally groggy, my legs took me on a windy trip around Penn's Landing and Old City. The feeling was fleeting, but it's the first time I've felt it since early summer. I can best describe it as a bypassing of the mind, so that motion doesn't originate in the head, but instead in the legs. I got rained on, and it felt good. 60 minutes of slow easy jogging. Legs feel good, foot still feels weird.

Shorts in November?

Someone was apparently surprised to see me walk by in shorts in a tank top, peanut butter and bananas in hand.

Woke early without an alarm this morning.  Trotted around Penn's Landing for a while and wound up at the corner store for the above-mentioned breakfast items.  Sun was poking through the clouds above the Ben Franklin Bridge.  Beautiful grey morning.  Watch died on the way out of the house, but it was somewhere around 45:00.  Felt pretty good.  Was listening to Thelonious Monk, and almost busted out in a little jig down on the promenade.

Hot Dank Poorly Ventilated

The particular gym I visit occasionally can be described as such.  Was there after work today feeling kind of tired but I thought I'd give it an honest try.  Waited in line for a treadmill for a while and then decided to forget it and head outside.  The wind and drizzle was refreshing, and I got off to a good start.  Ended up with some figure 8's through and around Powelton Village.  Eventually, the strong wind gusts, rush hour traffic, and some irritation in my foot converged to dampen my spirits a bit.  I guess 3 out of 4 isn't too bad.  21:56 easy.

Check Your Head

Yesterday afternoon, got out for 44:43 on a loop through Old City that I haven't done in a while. Slow but otherwise things felt fine.

After class and taking care of some things at school tonight I went for a spin to shake out the election jitters. 34:13. Again slow but feeling pretty good.

So it seems that a freak combination of some indigestion, a bit of muscular stiffness, some irritation from the saddle on my bicycle, and my hypochondria had me pretty worried that I had an inguinal hernia. I saw a doctor today and I'm relieved to say that there's no visible evidence of such. To play it safe, the doctor ordered an ultrasound, which I'll do tomorrow morning. I'm not ruling out the possibility of some tendinitis or something around the pubic bone area, so I'll continue to be conservative just to be safe. Otherwise, I'm hoping tomorrow will be my last visit to the doctor for a good while. Maybe instead of an ultrasound they should do a brain scan.

Breaking Out

Of my house between study sessions this afternoon. Runs are good for these. 47:xx including three striders in the grass of Penn Treaty Park. Beautiful day out there, felt pretty good even at slug's pace. Wanted to keep going.

Phanatical

40:18 Penn's Landing. Felt pretty good, although I hadn't eaten anything for over 16 hrs so I was kinda hungry.

Helicopters. Men in skirts. Amazing the kind of excuses we all need to be enthusiastic.

Windy and Cool

31:29 nice and easy. Feeling pretty good.

Good Evening

Back in Philly.

Last Thursday night after a long day I got out for :30 or so along Penn's Landing. Felt pretty good, except the metatarsal pad the doc gave me was just a little uncomfortable. Not sure it's gonna work, at least not for running anyway. Seems to feel OK when walking.

The following morning I caught a flight to San Francisco to visit my brother Nate, who lives in the area. My mom and my sister also happened to be in CA, and on a magical kind of whim we decided to take a quick trip to Yosemite National Park. After visiting some giant sequoias and hiking around a bit, I ended up above tree line on a peak that overlooked the park from the east. The pic below shows Nate, Alexz, and Bowie (the dog). Moved by the beauty of it all, I couldn't help but get a quick jog in with my brother's dog Bowie, an enormous but gentle beast. The two of us descended the roughly 1000' over about 2 miles or so. :20? I've decided that will be the first of many visits to Yosemite. Words can't describe.

Sunday I took a ride around the San Fransisco area with Nate. He's taken to cycling of late, and it was a blast chasing him up and down those hills. THOSE HILLS!!! 30+ miles, untimed. We rode single-speeds, and at one point some hot shots passed by us and egged us on during a steep ascent. I was able to catch one of them but had to let em go once I realized Nate and I had ended up on opposite entrances to the Golden Gate Bridge. What an absolute joy.

This evening after another long day, I wound up on the treadmill for :30+. Threw some "striders" in towards the end. I have to mention that for the past month or so I've been focusing on keeping my HR down (<150 or so) during these "runs," which end up between 9 and 12 min pace. Today was on the slower end. Afterward I did some leg lifts to help strengthen those pesky obliques, which have actually been feeling fine lately. Biking seems to aggravate them more. Would make sense that the two are related given the immense amount of cycling I've done this summer. Lately, I've been taking the el.

Hoping to get out a few more times this week, but not stressing if I don't.




































GG Bridge enveloped in fog. 60 and cloudy on one side, 80 and sunny on the other.

I've Been Fighting

There's a certain momentum I carry when things are going well. Obstacles seem surmountable. Hesitations are few and far between.

Given my limited experience with running, I've witnessed this kind of momentum more so in other areas of my life. But I have seen it cross over into running as well.

As momentum can be described as the product of an object's mass and velocity, the only way I can describe the way things have fizzled out lately is that training-wise, there's no substance to me. Like I whittled my self down to a puff of dust. One small gust of wind, I'm gone.

Until pretty recently I feel like I've been consumed by frustration, anger. I've been fighting. Fighting this injury, fighting my doubts, fighting that fatigue that wants to keep me from getting out of bed at odd hours of the morning.

Well, I'm not throwing in the towel. But I am engaging in guerrilla tactics.

It occurs to me that the only way I can let things fall back into place is by letting them go.

Letting go of the expectations, the plans, the anticipation. Taking things at the pace that my mind and body seem to be dictating right now. This doesn't mean I've resolved not to run. Just that I've accepted things for what they are right now.

So, I've got no immediate goals. My only long term goal is that I'd like to try and run a marathon next June. That's a long time away. There's plenty of time to assess and plan and consider my options. Just not now.

On a less existential note, I got x-rayed at the podiatrist's office today. His official opinion is that the stress fracture is healed. The discomfort I've been experiencing is likely soft tissue related. He gave me a metatarsal pad and I'll be going back to see him in 3 weeks. Funny thing is that I felt relief as soon as I put the pad in. Go figure.

Stay healthy out there y'all.

Chilly!

And breezy, with fall smells wafting. Got out before sunrise, and indeed it was the earliest I've been out for a while. 26:30 jogging. Aimed for 30 min, b-lined it home when I sensed a bit of pain in the left foot. I noticed this just after the 20 min mark. Seems to be a pattern emerging lately.

Not sure if I should draw any conclusions from this, but perhaps I'll keep the outings short for the time being. My mind seems to be progressing at a quicker rate than my body can uphold, and I'm not sure what this discrepancy is about, but I'll have to work with what I got. At least my spirits held up today.

Untitled

45:00 Penn's Landing out-and-back. Decent up to about 30 min in, at which point I seemed to loose focus. Low grade discomfort in the foot and lower abs by the end of the run.

New Trick

Kept my expectations low today and was suprised to find some life in my legs. I contemplated doing some striders in the grass, but refrained. 22:00 easy jogging. No discomfort to report.

Misty Morning

Sunday I got out for a 25:00 jog with Maia. No issues to report except some discomfort in the left foot that lasted a few minutes and then went away.

Yesterday, easy 50:00 on the elliptical trainer. Felt really good during and afterwards.

This AM, easy jogging on the treadmill. Felt great up until the minute I hopped on the TM. Moving extremely slow. Either really tired or really out of shape. I intended to go 45:00 but after about 35 min I dropped my water bottle on the belt and it splattered on the ground and wall behind me. This must have set off some sort of chemical reaction in my brain because as soon as it happened my left foot cramped up a bit. So I stopped at 40:00.

It's been just over three weeks since I started back to "running" on a regular basis. I'm realizing that right now things will have to develop based around numerous other things going on in my life, rather than the other way around. In the past I could plan my days around some sort of training schedule. Now I'll be content to merely keep up these easy efforts. To keep things in check, I've been using a heart rate monitor, and plan to do so for the foreseeable future.

The past week has been somewhat tough, and that's reflected in these posts. I hope this doesn't sound too much like complaining. I'm only trying to be honest. That way, if in a few weeks things haven't improved at all, I can decide whether or not to keep this up.

Back and Forth

Schedule has made it tough to fit in morning runs. Add this to my congestion and general ambivalence over the past few days and I was sure I'd decide not to run today. I eventually got out the door for a 50:00 easy jog late this afternoon. Made it about halfway over the Ben Franklin Bridge before turning around. The south pedestrian ramp is closed due to painting, so I got a new view from the north side, which they've opened instead. The weather was perfect, and I think I'll sleep a little better for having gotten out. For the record, I felt a kind of awkward stiffness in my left foot about halfway through that dissipated as time went on. No issues otherwise.

Jogging with Maia

It rarely happens, but today the planets seemed to align and Maia and I found ourselves on the same path around the neighborhood at the same time (and pace). The run was nothing special, but the company was great, and we strayed off the beaten path a little to find some interesting scenery. 30:00 easy jog.

Day After

30:00 very easy jog along the Delaware. Honed in on the grass and asphalt. Felt decent out there, better than expected. No discomfort to speak of save the minor head cold. Long stretching session afterward. In terms of effort, these recent outings feel like warmups, leaving me wanting more. In time, I suppose I'll give into this craving.

Safety

I wanted something flat, soft, secure. I wound up on the treadmill. 45:00. Felt OK. Running continues to feel more natural, and my legs continue to adapt. There are still some niggling dull pains that I'm pretty sure I'd ignore if I wasn't so paranoid about these things lately. For some reason the hip flexors and lower abdominals have been super tight, especially on the right side.

I've been feeling a bit run down since I got back from my trip this weekend. This happened when I got back from my Scranton trip as well. While fishing off a breaker in Atlantic City on Saturday I slipped on some algae and landed on a bunch of barnacle-covered rocks. I wound up with some scrapes on my right calf and ankle, and lost a bit of skin right below my big toe on the left foot. Needless to say, it's been kind of uncomfortable to stand, walk, and run on it.

Also, sleeping under the stars for two nights in addition to the changing weather has left me with a scratchiness in my throat. Seems to be worse at night.

So, before I find any more complaints, I'm going to bed, maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

Sandy Mattress

43:00 run along the sea at sunrise. Last few minutes barefoot. Cooled off in the ocean. Spectacular. When I got back Eric was still asleep.